The Cannibal’s Guide to Fasting by Dana Hammer released September 6 in the comedic horror genre.

Igor Fenenko, a former research scientist, is a scary, scary man. Not only is he a massive bodybuilder with a spider tattooed on his face, he has also been infected with Pestis Manducans — viral cannibalism. Igor tried to resist indulging, but his research specimens smelled so delicious. Who did it hurt, really, to nibble a corpse?

Caught, disgraced, and sent to a ‘rehabilitation’ center, Igor is now forced to live in a government-mandated Containment Center. He spends his days pressing wildflowers, growing blueberries, and doing his best to avoid human meat. More than anything, he wants a cure for the virus that has ruined his life.

Igor’s brother, Karl, is also infected with Pestis. But unlike Igor, he does not live in a Containment Center. He lives down by the river, where he runs a cannibal rights group. At first, the group seems harmless enough, if a bit creepy and overzealous. But when Igor discovers their evil practices, he is forced to intervene.

Aided and opposed by rich eccentrics who have their own agendas, Igor must use brains and muscles to find a cure while fighting the urge to turn brains and muscles into a delicious lunch.

Igor’s home is a single-wide trailer in a “community” that the government has set up for former cannibals. Decent, lawabiding, non-infected folks do not want man-eaters to live in their neighborhoods, but they won’t go so far as to demand executions for the infected, and so the forced cannibal community was born.

For a time, the infected were held in prisons and jails, until those became too overcrowded, and the state was forced to find other solutions. Now, the official plan of action is this: identify the cannibals, send them to a treatment center, and then house them in secure, guarded communities with their own kind. 

Igor’s community is one of the nicer ones. The trailers are small but clean, and the neighborhood is kept tidy and quiet. Each trailer even has a small patch of lawn, for residents to use as they please. Igor uses his for fruit and vegetable gardening. Some other people plant flowers, and some of them plant nothing at all, but fill their yards with furniture or above-ground pools. 

Other communities aren’t so lucky. Igor is grateful for his home, despite the security guards who occasionally take their jobs a bit too seriously. Despite the constant scrutiny of the inspectors, despite the fact that his ID lists his address as “High Risk Containment Center” and that any time he has to show that ID to anyone, he gets glares or looks of disgust or flat refusals of service. He is grateful, because without it, and without a job, and without anyone willing to take him in, he would likely be homeless.

AUTHOR Bio and Links:

Dana Hammer is a novelist, screenwriter and playwright. She has won over forty awards and honors for her writing, few of which generated income, all of which were deeply appreciated. She is not a cannibal.

My upcoming novel, The Cannibal’s Guide to Fasting, is about a reformed cannibal named Igor. Igor, like others infected with viral cannibalism, is forbidden by the government from eating meat, as animal meats are considered a “gateway meat”. 

I am writing three vegetarian recipes for your enjoyment. I cook these in my home all the time, and they are suitable for vegetarians, small children, gluten free people, and reformed cannibals.

POTATO BURRITOS or POTATO BURRITO BOWLS

I know, right? Way too much starch. But trust me, these are delicious.

1. Heat some vegetable oil in a pan. 
2. Chop up a clean potato into little dice.
3. Add one or two tablespoons of corn starch to a bowl. Mix in 1/2 tsp salt, few shakes of pepper, a tablespoon of chili powder, 1/2 tsp paprika, 1/2 tsp garlic powder, 1/4 tsp onion powder. 
4. Dredge the potatoes in the corn starch/spice mixture. 
5. Fry the potatoes until they are crispy. Check with a fork. When they are crispy, add the red onions and cook until they are tender, and the potatoes are all the way cooked. 
6. Add the can of pinto beans to the potato mixture. Alternately, you can heat the pinto beans in a separate bowl, if you’re the kind of person who likes your food separated, and enjoys doing dishes.
7. Make the sauce. In a bowl — or directly in the sour cream container if it’s the right quantity — mix one cup of sour cream with one or two tablespoons of chili powder, a dash of cayenne (more if you like spicy food), 1/2 tsp onion powder, 1/2 tsp garlic powder, a little salt and pepper. 
8. Assemble the components. If you are doing a burrito, heat the tortillas. Add the bean and potato mixture, plenty of sauce, and a handful of shredded cheese. If you are doing a burrito bowl, simply add all the components to a bowl, except the tortillas.

***Note: Don’t be shy with the sauce. Make these as saucy as you can without it becoming soup. Trust me.

APPLE CRISP

1. Heat the oven to 375. If you want to butter your baking dish, you may do so now.
2. Peel and chop the apples. Place them in a baking dish that holds them all, leaving room for the crumble on top. If you want to add dried fruit, go ahead and do so now, stirring together with the apples.
3. In a bowl, using your hands, mix together three cups of oats, a stick of butter, a half cup of brown sugar, a tablespoon of cinnamon, and 1/4 tsp nutmeg. Wash your hands first, obviously, don’t be gross. 
4. Top the apples with the oat mixture. Bake for 40 minutes. 
5. Serve with vanilla ice cream or whipped cream, if you want to live your life correctly. 

ALFREDO SAUCE

When I first learned how easy it is to make Alfredo sauce, I was angry. Like seriously mad, that I’d spent so much time eating substandard jarred versions of it, because I wrongly assumed that it was incredibly difficult to make. It’s not. 

1. Heat the butter in a saucepan.
2. Add the onions and garlic, with a little salt and pepper. Fry those bad boys up. Now your kitchen smells like Heaven. You’re welcome.
3. Add one cup of heavy cream. Uh-huh.
4. Now add half a cup of Parmesan. Yep.
5. Stir it all together. Add a little more pepper, if you like pepper a lot. Let the Parmesan melt until you have a glorious Alfredo sauce. If it’s too thick, you can add more cream…or water, I guess. 
6. Serve this on everything.

Note: You can fancy this up by adding other stuff at the same time as the onions and garlic. I like spinach, mushrooms, and sun dried tomatoes. And sometimes olives. 

https://www.danahammer.com/

https://www.facebook.com/Dana-Hammer-Author-Page-1707631229449685/

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